Worst Loaf of Bread Ever

I made stew for dinner the other night, and I tried to make French bread to go with it. I’ve made bread before, and while I still think it is a sorcerer’s art, I’m generally a pretty good baker and have made some decent-ish loaves of bread before.

Not this time. I made what is probably a strong contender for the title of Worst Loaf of Bread Ever. I know this is not a real contest (though I didn’t Google it, so I’m can’t swear to this – it’s a strange world) but I would have won. The bread was flat, chewy, and somehow turned into a weird bubbly pita pocket. It was a complete failure. I was very sad about it, much like this kitten.

Okay, this kitten is sadder than me. No one can be as sad as this kitten. Plus, I was kind of mad at the same time, not just sad.

Okay, this kitten is sadder than me. No one can be as sad as this kitten. Plus, I was kind of mad at the same time, not just sad.

The bread dough rose successfully twice in the bowl, but once I shaped it into a loaf and set it out to rise one last time before baking, it stubbornly stayed flat. It even started slowly ooze, morphing into an obnoxious, sticky pancake. I cursed at it, put it in a slightly warmed oven, gave it extra time, and finally admitted angry defeat. I flattened it out more, thinking it would become crackers instead. Fresh melba toast, how delicious.

Nope. It stuck to the tray with a tenacity so extreme that I may have discovered the next super glue. It’s all natural! When I tried to peel it off the tray, the top half came off, exposing the bubbly pita interior. I have no idea how this went so badly wrong. I’ve even used this recipe before with normal results that did not resemble a science project.

On the bright side, the stew was tasty, and the delay in the bread gave me extra time to write before supper, while the stew was simmering. I think some of my sentences are well-phrased and I am proud of the character development, if I do say so myself. Of course, as any writer knows, these are all signs of being in the enamoured phase of a new project and this is bound to change once I get to revisions!

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